Acknowledgment

Frankly I wonder a lot about what I am to you.
And what are you to me.
And how every one of us is trying to keep it together for the sake of what's so called family.
Let's face it we all fake it or fix its family picture frame in front of our of relatives and society.
But when we are done most of the time we throw that moment away for whatever reason that can give away.
I can't blame you always for our misery.
Yet really what is it? Did something happen? Are you broken?
Or did time transformed you to what you are today?
God I really wish you would clear this fog of questions and answer me.
In my past I'm used to the feeling of suffocation every time I see you in front of me.
YES I did mistakes. YES I disappointed you. YES sometimes I feel I'm not normal and complicated.
But I can't undo what was done.
Don't ever think I'm enjoying it as if it's part of my fun
And no matter what I do for you in your eyes I'm still that bum no good son of a gun.
Please don't rate me I'm not a show in a TV.
Please don't compare me with anyone else rather it's right or wrong because THEY are NOT ME
Please don't make me feel that my room is the only thing I can call home and the rest is just like a motel.
To think I see you everyday I definitely know nothing about you and the same goes for you too.
I'm so unlike you and I'm not a copy even though I fell in the same mistake
I don't get it why you're a stingy old mean person when you're with us, yet you're so kind and generous to others? I can't even tell who's who or recall the real you.
I'm sure you suffered a lot, worked hard to bring us what we have got.
I'm thankful and you have every right to do what you want to do.
But cuz of you I'm convinced that without money I will always be a servant to you and society.
That it's my might
I can a start a war even without having to fight.
You know… I wasn't like that but I guess I'm fid up waiting for things change.
So I will force it with the use of the "green".
Yet it’s funny when you say money is ain't the real thing
You're not the only one that has needs and issues.
There's no use to use your clinch of fists your terror dose no longer effects me.
You treat me like a made I wonder how can I show you how much you mean to me with your faked cold heart??
If accusing me by carelessness and selfishness and a rest of an endless list of accusations is the price I pay for having my own freedom
Then what the hey I'll take it and endure it if you let me go on my way
Why can't you just see that there's nothing wrong to live by me?
I have a brain you don't have to respect me but I'll be damned if I won't make you listen to me.
So don't you dare say I spoiled my self while you were always over protected me
I'll never call my self a victim cuz I let it happened to me I did it to my own self and mistakes.
But don't let my weak appearance fool's you I could really just flip to ugly and mean even might treat you as a money machine.
So can't we just settle this like regular human bean?
As for our relatives let them say what they want to say thanks to them I learned how to put a smile and then easily point the finger to them when they fade away.
But you know for now I'll tag along in this stupid game that we play
Till the day comes when we have nothing else to add or say
I might forgive but unlike my mom I never forget
So just let's just try to keep this distance and respect
We might disagree but hating you is out of the question
It's not even a suggestion
Maybe you're an inspiration so I won't do the same when I have a family of my own.
I will try hardly to plan for them instead of throwing them in the unknown
I don't know you are always here in front of me.
Living with me yet I always feel alone.
To tell you the truth I always felt I'm a failure to you
Nothing but shame I give to you
All my life I've been waiting for an acknowledgment from you under my dark shadow tree.
But you never ever tried to come close with me
I hope you know even though I'm a slave for money you can never buy me
I know and I believe you are concern of me
But I can't fallow your footsteps for too long
I just don't want to be under your shadow
And feel I'm living in the blue
One day somehow someday someway
I'll be gone for real and leave this all behind me
And then you will see
You're never stopping me
And that acceptance that I'm longing for
Might come in a time where nothing else maters
In the mean time since you still don't completely see me
In darkness
I will be.
Yet sometimes I truly feel
That whatever happens between you and me
My loyalty
My money
My love
In an instant will be given to you if you wish
Because no matter what
Your son
I shale be
Till eternity